Thirty is the new Fifteen

 

Primavera 40 x 40 x 9 cm - mixed media on wood

 

THIRTY IS THE NEW FIFTEEN

 

She has a crush on her yoga instructor.

Would like to keep an Australian boy

in her basement, tethered to a chaise longue.

Let him out to play cricket every now and then.

You throw glances she doesn’t throw back.

That you send her doughnuts, anonymously,

though she seems to abhor food of any sort,

is quiet lunacy. No one knows she sometimes visits

a toilet stall and touches herself there, smothering a scream.

Not so absurdly, she is an avid watcher of “Emily in Paris.”   

She once helped you translate spreadsheets into PowerPoint.

There are words in the air, modules of advice. Be yourself.  

Be anything but. It’s dog eat dog, it’s make ends meet, it’s ends

justify means: why would she tether you to a chaise longue?

Exchange your skateboard and wayward baseball cap

for khakis, a golf shirt, a pair of boat shoes. Here, take these; you’ll be fine.